As a female, I dread being asked "how many ppl have you slept with". I can understand the need for a man to want to know how many men the girl he's dating has been with, but is it really any of his business (really?) Lets be honest, all the people I slept with was before him, therefore the amount of ppl I've slept with in the past shouldn't concern him right (wrong)! Men like to feel like the girl they're dating isn't a 'bunny'. If she gives him a low number then he feels like she hasn't been around the block and back, which is understandable. However, I never asked a guy for his number. Granted, I have 'assumed' and jokingly tossed a few numbers around at a few guys, guesstimating appx 100-150 females but I rarely sat there waiting for a concrete number...lol. Guys will sit there and wait until you compile a list, tally and then give them the number along w/ the type of relationship for each guy!..lol.
A while back, a guy asked me for my number as he sat there waiting for me to write out a list and tally lol. Of course, in my mind, I excluded a guy or two as the "don't-counters" b/c it was either whack, or happened once lol. And at the end of it all, my number was a lie. And I had to remember the number I gave him every time he tried to sneak attack me w/ that good ole question "what's your number again?"..lol.
Now, if a guy asks that question, I usually redirect the question back to them. Which usually shuts them up quick fast! lol.
Question:
How do you feel about disclosing your number? Do you lie about it, or do you tell the complete truth.
Posts
20 comments:
I'd rather not be asked but If i must answer i will have to answer and give the explained answer. I don't mind nor am i ashamed of my quantity. I would just rather have not wasted a few numbers on the duds.
as for the lie, I keep a running tally. I know my real number and i know my fake number. (easy for me since neither have changed in the last 2 years)
Hey Just Jasmine,
I'm not 'ashamed' of my number, but at the same time it's personal to me. I'd rather give a guy other info like my 'status' and an actual copy.
Cause truth be told, if a guy told me he slept w/ about 500 females I would definitely look at him different.
If it's really tht important for a guy to know then I'll give him my real number, but if he's just doing it to be nosey, then I'm not answering lol.
I tell the truth, like you said whoever I slept with before him WAS BEFORE HIM. I am not ashamed of my number even though someone told me I am a saint. lol. I feel everyone should embrace their number. Because of my number I am the person I am today. Great post PBFE :)
Hey GG,
Lol..girl ur funny! @ the 'saint' part..lol.
A few yrs ago, I sat down (alone) and wrote out my list. Of course I destroyed it afterwards lol (why, IDK). I tried to write another list the other day, and I felt like it wasn't complete lol.
PBFE fo'sho'!
Hey Nessy!
I talked a little about this on my blog. Im not even really asked that question by guys nowadays but when me and my ex discussed it, i was truthful.He looked at me like i was crazy but hey and his number was greater than mine!!LOL! but anyway, if im asked again, i wont necessarily lie about it, but i will probably give a more generalized response like "a few". LOL!!
Hey Nik,
Lol..see guys can have a higher number and be catergorized as a 'slut' or loose..lol.
I like that.."a few"..maybe even "I've had my share"..
Ness, i have this guy that i went to school with, that i've had a crush on forever. i recently ran into him a couple of days ago and he his still fine. he has a baby momma , and i have a baby daddy that that is locked up. i dont want a relationship but i want to F him so bad!! How do i tell him this without seeming like a hoe?
I dont mind because my number is realatively small for what people are pushing nowadays...but now that I think about it, its personal. If health risks are the concern, then you can be a risk even if you slept with one person. So if you worried about catching something you might as well take a test/wrap it up for assurance.
Hey Teems,
Tht's how I feel also. I think ppl are just curious creatures. Like u said, all it takes is one time if the concern is about safety.
Hey Anon,
If u want u can email me @ pinkcufflynx@gmail
Dependin on the situation (i.e. if u have ur own place, if he lives w/ his BM) you can make it happen in a number of ways w/o coming off as a hoe.
If u have ur own place, take ur kid to the sitter for the nite. Contact him & ask him if he has plans and ask him if he wants to come over to watch a movie, chill and catch up. The rest will fall into place once he's at ur spot. (btw, it's nothing wrong w/ letting him know tht u've always had a crush on him ;)and let him know wht it is (i.e.u don't want a relationship).
If neither one of u have ur own spot, and one of ya'll have a car then go out to get drinks & catch up and then make it happen in the back seat.
If neither one of u have ur own spot or a car then it's time to take it to the streets and get adventurous with it!
Hope tht helped..if not let me now if u need more info :)
nunya....thats wat i tell em- wat is there to tell i cant stand when i guy asks me that like u said ness it shouldnt matter.....if im clean n ur clean its cool becuz at the end of the day i think guys still tally up added numbers cuz they swear u lie ive learned my lesson before and most guys want the numbers to b slim to none anyway so i say it doesnt mattern move on maybe when im in something real deep ill confess n talk about it honestly
Hey ClothesTheCurtains,
Yup, tht's all they really want...they want to see where they fall at. Like dude...I'm 30..I hope u don't think ur #4 lol.
I don't answer that question, like you said if you wanna know my status, that's a legit question that will be answered, a number you ain't gettin, that information is on a "need to know" basis and you don' need to know...Eff That!
another thing is if you do tell and then happen to run into one of your "numbers" on the street while you're with current dude, that's a whole nutha set of stupid questions "so, what number was he?" then "was he better than me?" and then attitude cause you won't answer...Eff That!
Hey HeadMistress,
I feel you! Ppl put to much emphasis on how many ppl u slept with. When it other important info that needs to be discussed.
You brought up a good point about running into someone in the street that you may know...lol. Who needs those types of questions lol.
ha, wow. this is so funny because my boy and me had a conference about this exact topic.
the reason we men want to know your number is because we kinda wanna know how we stack up against other dudes. its funny we ask because there is no way in hell were getting an honest answer (and even if it is, 9/10 times we wont believe it) so those who do ask that question usually have some sort of insecurity their trying to dispel, their rational is, the less people shes slept with, the less chance she'll notice *place insecurity here*. As for me, when i first start talking with someone, i dont ask who have you been with, i have a dont ask dont tell policy. Now that doesnt mean it wont come up, but when it does i never ask for exact estimates. I mostly start up a game of "have you ever", and find out interesting things that way.
@ J. Merks,
Thnks for elaborationg on why men want to know. But like u said, it's an insecurity issue.
I don't ask either and I don't want to be asked. I agree w/ the "don't ask, don't tell policy" lol.
And as far as playing the "have u ever" game, I learned that I really can't play that game w/ a room full of ppl b/c I'll end up taking more shots than everyone lol.
Men dont need to ask because they dont really want to know... its a psychological thing for them that no matter what it is they're mind is going to wander... unless you say virgin... they are always going to in the back of their mind be wondering if they are better than your past lovers... its all an ego thing... so I never tell the real number... if at all.. I have a designated number that only includes dudes I was in serious relationships with... they are the only ones that matter... the 1 night stand... or the one that was so terrible he didnt get a 2nd chance are insignificant to me so why should I add them to the final total
I ask men though just so see if they know the number... No matter how many women it is, I think its both sexy and responsible if they know the exact number without having to think about it.
Hey Eb,
You're right, they only want to know for comparisons. It's good to know tht I'm not the only one who doesn't give a real number all the time.
Like you, I don't count certain situations lol
I think everyone should know their number also, but I think women will always know their number b4 men will even had a solid number lol
Been MIA with work and stuff but I do read your blog all the time but don't always get time to reply...your blog is GREAT keep it coming.
As for this post I don't bring it up and actually I have never been asked but my current boyfriend mentioned how many partners he had had just cause and Im sure he was being honest...it didn't upset me or gross me out but it was kinda like that situation where you rather not know at all...lol but if I were asked I think I would be honest but honestly I don't even have the actual number b/c I dont count...I know it isn't a lot but I dont feel the need to go back in time...it is what it is :)
Hey BonafideLatina,
Thanx!!! :)
Well it was good tht he kept it real w/ u. And I'm sure females know an average # of womens guys sleep w/. So we're probably over the gross factor lol.
I like to keep track just in case. But I haven't made a list in a long time b/c there hasn't been a reason. I can recall off the top of my head 4 the most part lol.
But like u said, it is wht it is :)
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